Thursday, August 14, 2008

Project Runway Recap: Jungle Boogie

This week, Project Runway continues with a challenge fit for the jungle (the Lipstick Jungle, that is), Brooke Shields, and an outfit of "slutty, slutty, slutty!" proportions. Spoilers ahead!The best and worst (according to the judges).
Our episode begins with some rather unnecessary footage of the designers working out in the Atlas gym. Seriously, Bravo, if you're reading this, I don't care that Daniel can pump some iron in his plaid pants or that Suede can manage to break a sweat while keeping his fauxhawk intact. I just don't.

Anyways, we continue on to the model picking process, which, dear reader, if you ask me, is not what it used to be. What happened to the little black bag with those oversized nametag buttons? Heidi announces to the designers that their challenge is to create a look for a "high-powered and glamorous professional woman."
Blayne speculates that is could be Hillary Clinton, in which case he would be eliminated for creating a neon pantsuit. Stella stresses that she would love to dress Sharon Osbourne, which does not surprise us one bit.

It's finally revealed that the guest judge is Brooke Shields! Finally, a judge we can all look at and recognize (No offense to Apollo Ohno, but we were all thinking " Oh, hey, look it's that guy from the Olympics. What is he a tennis player or something? And, um, Sandra Bernhardt? Wasn't she on Will & Grace that one time?). The designers learn that they must create a day-to-night look for Shields' character, Wendy, on Lipstick Jungle.

The kids get to sketching and then present their concepts to Shields in the "Project Runway Lounge." Isn't that the room where the designers eat? Now it's the "Project Runway Lounge?" Oh, those darn producers, what will they think of next?
Brooke seems to be fond of the all of the designer's looks, even Blayne's day-to-night Bermuda short (an oxymoron? possibly...) and Kelli's super tight leopard sheath, which, according to Brooke,"It's the jungle! It's the juuuuunnngle!"

We cannot contain our excitement when the oversized nametag buttons make a comeback when Tim reveals that six designs have been chosen by Brooke, which means the designers must work in teams. Keith snaps up Kenley to work with him, which means one can only assume they've resolved their differences since the Times Square smackdown a couple of episodes back. Blayne enthusiastically picks Leanne and we can just feel how frightened she is behind those geek-chic glasses.

"You see this ponytail I'm sporting, Leanne?
It means business."

Of course, Stella is picked last, by Jerrell, because we all know this woman is only capable of creating a leatha vest. Ironically, Jerrell plans on using leather in his ensemble and the only thing we can think of is "Maybe the judges will just kill to birds with one stone and eliminate these two at once."

"That's a really nice man dress you're wearing, Jerell.
I wish it was leatha, though."

The designers head over to Mood and the drama ensues. Keith and Kenley cannot compromise which tacky floral print will suit his tacky design. Daniel behaves like the annoying girl that he is and doesn't have the guts to say to Kelli "NO! SHINY LEOPARD PLUS BLACK LACE PLUS A SKINTIGHT BLACK PENCIL SKIRT DOES NOT EVER EQUAL "HIGH-POWERED GLAMOROUS BUSINESS WOMAN"! THAT EQUALS WORKING GIRL." Or to put it simply in the words of Michael Kors, "Slutty, slutty, slutty!"

Suede and Terri cannot agree on their flowy top. Terri has a bit of a freakout that's so crude, I feel a tad bit dirty just mentioning it here.
Tim returns to the studio with a bit of news that calms that madness: the winning team's ensemble will be worn by Brooke Shields on Lipstick Jungle.
Everyone is so excited by the thought of their outfit being worn on national television that I think they begin to forget the entire point of Project Runway- a national television show, ahem.

Besides, after seeing the promo during the commercial break for Lipstick Jungle, I am quickly reminded why I never bothered to watch it.It is simply a Cashmere Mafia copycat, which, if you remember correctly, was (or is? Is it still even on the air?) supposed to be the network television attempt at Sex and The City, which was a show that I always seemed to be slightly annoyed by in the first place ( I just never was able to see the appeal in whole "Let's drink cosmos at brunch and carry designer handbags while we pretend to be intellectual and complain about our sucky relationships," concept. So basically, Lipstick Jungle is the twice watered down version of a show I didn't really like in the first place...

Anyways, on to the runway show. Did anyone else catch right before the show when Tim says "I see some of you are still sewing question mark?" Oh Tim, how we love you so exclamation mark!

Is it just me, or was the runway show utterly disappointing. Jerrell and Stella's and Keith and Kenley's seemed to be the best, but, honestly, if I saw someone wearing either in real life I'd probably say to myself "Hmm...I bet she bought that dress on clearance at Sears."

Kelli and Daniel are obviously in the bottom, along with Blayne and Leanne. Seriously, Leanne, how did you let Blayne create such an ensemble that resembles something a camp counselor, who's going out clothes were mauled by a grizzly bear and all she has left is a string of pearls and some heels to dress up her otherwise boring uniform, would wear to a night on the town.

Daniel tries to defend his outfit by saying he has "impeccable taste," which causes Kenley to laugh out loud right there, in front of the judges. Do we sense trouble ahead between these super BFFs?

Kelli: "You totally deserved to go home.
After this annoying Bravo photographer is finished,
we're gonna go outside and I'm going to show you who's boss."
Daniel: " Please, my taste is impeccable and
so are my arm muscles that I've been working on in the Atlas gym."
In the end, Kelli is auf'd. We are incredibly sad because she has always had excellent designs up to this point, but Daniel on the other hand...

No worries, though, dear reader. Next week: Drag-queens! Lots of scary, gaudy drag-queens and the scary, gaudy costumes that come with them! Ooh we can't wait exclamation point!

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