a public service announcement.

Save 57 predictable minutes of your life and look at the Project Runway collections here. Because I bet you all an ice cream cake that the finale will go like this:

Darn you, Kenley. I want to hate you, but this is so so so cute.

10:00-10:08: "OMG TODAY IS THE BIG DAY. BRYANT PARK IS MY DREAM. -TEARS-"



10:10-10:20: A model will not show up. Someone will have an emotional breakdown. Tim Gunn will make everything better. The model shows up, albeit extremely hungover. Everyone is happy.



10:25- 10:27: Heidi Klum spiels in a miniskirt.



10:30-10:45: We finally see the clothes.



10: 45- 10:57: "Impeccable taste blah blah blah slutty slutty blah blah blah ..." -Michael Kors



*We tune in*



10:59: The winner is announced (TEAM LEANNE) and I am finally free from the most uninspiring season yet. Phew.



So, please, do yourselves a favor and tune into the Presidential Debate instead. Or, if you want to really shake things up, the Phillies vs. Dodgers game. Yes, even a baseball game amuses me more than this season.

Project Runway Recap: Outsie Daisy*

I'm so very sorry about the lack Project Runway posts, dear reader, but, like I've said before, this show is getting on my nerves. I was a very very bad viewer and went ahead and looked at the Bryant Park collections on line.

Let me tell you, I'm pretty certain who is going to win that I'd bet a pan of Nutella brownies (heads up, I'm going to attempt to create these in the coming weeks) over it. Yep.

Alrighty then, here are some of my thoughts on last night's episode:

+When Joe first mentioned "skirt suit" my reaction went something like this "-no surprise whatsoever- Uh, come one Joe. NO ONE wears a a skirt suit, unless of course it's 1984 and your name is Alexis Carrington Colby. That's right, a Dynasty reference, I WENT THERE. You know what, wait, no. You probably took that as a compliment, being that when you call something 'sharp,' you're not referring to a pair of scissors. No siree."

Although, his final look seemed fit for someone who wanted be a "sexy librarian" for Halloween and failed miserably.

+ Dear Jerrell,

Effective immediately: please abort all wearing of chapeaus that resemble the love child of a portobella mushroom and a tarantula.

Signed,

The Committee For The Well Being of All Humanity

+Dear Kenley,

No one likes you anymore, well, except you. Sure, you dress super cute and we often drool over your hair accessories, but I'm convinced your only good qualities are dressing super cute and making drool worthy hair accessories. Get a muzzle already.

Signed,

The Greater Good of All Mankind

+Be warned: I dry heaved, then got down on my hands and knees, begging the Lord to give me my sight back after my retinas were burned from the picture below.

*I'm not quite sure why the episode was called this, because Joe is out,maybe? But he is, certainly, no daisy. No, no, he is more like a dandelion, and not even in the cute "Aww, look at the dandelion!" way, more like the "Why have you lasted so long in my yard, even though you deserved to be weeded weeks ago?" sort of way.

Project Runway Recap: This Show is Driving ME Crazy

I know, dear reader, you're probably thinking "Where are your Project Runway recaps? Huh? I want to hear your slightly witty banters on drag queens in sequin sailor suits and cocktail numbers constructed entirely out of seatbelts! Give me my recaps, woman, or else."


Or, most likely, you're thinking "Hmm, she hasn't posted a Project Runway Recap in a while...oh boy, I never realized how many bagel crumbs there are on my keyboard...crap, I forgot to return Definitely, Maybe to Blockbuster..."

Can we all just direct our attention to the way  Tim looks in this picture? I heart him.

I'm suffering a mild case of the Project Runway blues, so I thought I'd take a little break from the recaps. Don't fret though, here is an absolutely hilarious recap for those of you who missed it. Now that Keith and his annoying feel-sorry-for-me-I-live-in-Utah attitude are gone, I might be able to return next week with my most vibrant recap ever.

P.S. Tim Gunn recently described Miley Cyrus' style as "too tarty." Yet another reason why we love you, Tim (No, I do not read Page Six all day. I found this on the Best Week Ever Blog, thank you very much).

Project Runway Recap: Jungle Boogie

This week, Project Runway continues with a challenge fit for the jungle (the Lipstick Jungle, that is), Brooke Shields, and an outfit of "slutty, slutty, slutty!" proportions. Spoilers ahead!The best and worst (according to the judges).

Our episode begins with some rather unnecessary footage of the designers working out in the Atlas gym. Seriously, Bravo, if you're reading this, I don't care that Daniel can pump some iron in his plaid pants or that Suede can manage to break a sweat while keeping his fauxhawk intact. I just don't.

Anyways, we continue on to the model picking process, which, dear reader, if you ask me, is not what it used to be. What happened to the little black bag with those oversized nametag buttons? Heidi announces to the designers that their challenge is to create a look for a "high-powered and glamorous professional woman."

Blayne speculates that is could be Hillary Clinton, in which case he would be eliminated for creating a neon pantsuit. Stella stresses that she would love to dress Sharon Osbourne, which does not surprise us one bit.

It's finally revealed that the guest judge is Brooke Shields! Finally, a judge we can all look at and recognize (No offense to Apollo Ohno, but we were all thinking " Oh, hey, look it's that guy from the Olympics. What is he a tennis player or something? And, um, Sandra Bernhardt? Wasn't she on Will & Grace that one time?). The designers learn that they must create a day-to-night look for Shields' character, Wendy, on Lipstick Jungle.

The kids get to sketching and then present their concepts to Shields in the "Project Runway Lounge." Isn't that the room where the designers eat? Now it's the "Project Runway Lounge?" Oh, those darn producers, what will they think of next?

Brooke seems to be fond of the all of the designer's looks, even Blayne's day-to-night Bermuda short (an oxymoron? possibly...) and Kelli's super tight leopard sheath, which, according to Brooke,"It's the jungle! It's the juuuuunnngle!"

We cannot contain our excitement when the oversized nametag buttons make a comeback when Tim reveals that six designs have been chosen by Brooke, which means the designers must work in teams. Keith snaps up Kenley to work with him, which means one can only assume they've resolved their differences since the Times Square smackdown a couple of episodes back. Blayne enthusiastically picks Leanne and we can just feel how frightened she is behind those geek-chic glasses.

"You see this ponytail I'm sporting, Leanne?

It means business."

Of course, Stella is picked last, by Jerrell, because we all know this woman is only capable of creating a leatha vest. Ironically, Jerrell plans on using leather in his ensemble and the only thing we can think of is "Maybe the judges will just kill to birds with one stone and eliminate these two at once."

"That's a really nice man dress you're wearing, Jerell.

I wish it was leatha, though."

The designers head over to Mood and the drama ensues. Keith and Kenley cannot compromise which tacky floral print will suit his tacky design. Daniel behaves like the annoying girl that he is and doesn't have the guts to say to Kelli "NO! SHINY LEOPARD PLUS BLACK LACE PLUS A SKINTIGHT BLACK PENCIL SKIRT DOES NOT EVER EQUAL "HIGH-POWERED GLAMOROUS BUSINESS WOMAN"! THAT EQUALS WORKING GIRL." Or to put it simply in the words of Michael Kors, "Slutty, slutty, slutty!"

Suede and Terri cannot agree on their flowy top. Terri has a bit of a freakout that's so crude, I feel a tad bit dirty just mentioning it here.

Tim returns to the studio with a bit of news that calms that madness: the winning team's ensemble will be worn by Brooke Shields on Lipstick Jungle.

Everyone is so excited by the thought of their outfit being worn on national television that I think they begin to forget the entire point of Project Runway- a national television show, ahem.

Besides, after seeing the promo during the commercial break for Lipstick Jungle, I am quickly reminded why I never bothered to watch it.It is simply a Cashmere Mafia copycat, which, if you remember correctly, was (or is? Is it still even on the air?) supposed to be the network television attempt at Sex and The City, which was a show that I always seemed to be slightly annoyed by in the first place ( I just never was able to see the appeal in whole "Let's drink cosmos at brunch and carry designer handbags while we pretend to be intellectual and complain about our sucky relationships," concept. So basically, Lipstick Jungle is the twice watered down version of a show I didn't really like in the first place...

Anyways, on to the runway show. Did anyone else catch right before the show when Tim says "I see some of you are still sewing question mark?" Oh Tim, how we love you so exclamation mark!

Is it just me, or was the runway show utterly disappointing. Jerrell and Stella's and Keith and Kenley's seemed to be the best, but, honestly, if I saw someone wearing either in real life I'd probably say to myself "Hmm...I bet she bought that dress on clearance at Sears."

Kelli and Daniel are obviously in the bottom, along with Blayne and Leanne. Seriously, Leanne, how did you let Blayne create such an ensemble that resembles something a camp counselor, who's going out clothes were mauled by a grizzly bear and all she has left is a string of pearls and some heels to dress up her otherwise boring uniform, would wear to a night on the town.

Daniel tries to defend his outfit by saying he has "impeccable taste," which causes Kenley to laugh out loud right there, in front of the judges. Do we sense trouble ahead between these super BFFs?

Kelli: "You totally deserved to go home.

After this annoying Bravo photographer is finished,

we're gonna go outside and I'm going to show you who's boss."

Daniel: " Please, my taste is impeccable and

so are my arm muscles that I've been working on in the Atlas gym."

In the end, Kelli is auf'd. We are incredibly sad because she has always had excellent designs up to this point, but Daniel on the other hand...

No worries, though, dear reader. Next week: Drag-queens! Lots of scary, gaudy drag-queens and the scary, gaudy costumes that come with them! Ooh we can't wait exclamation point!

Project Runway Recap: Project Run-away

This week, Project Runway Season 5 continues with a challenge of patriotic proportions, a mild case of tanorexia, and a skort that earns praise from the judges (A sign of the apocalypse? maybe). Spoilers ahead!

The best and worst (according to the judges).

After 4 episodes,the red lipstick, tans, and leatha vests are coming off as the designers are dropping like flies. For this week's challenge, the designers are shuttled off into vans with Tim Gunn to a "mystery" location. While Kelli crosses her fingers in hopes that the challenge doesn't have to do with hospitals (yeah, we don't know where she got that idea, either), Blayne reveals his tanning habits (every other day, if you must know), his self-proclaimed hobby, to Tim Gunn. Blayne is really growing on me, especially since he has seemed to drop the "-licious" act, but I'd just really wish he'd do me a favor and slather on some SPF 50.

The designers arrive at their "mystery" location, an indoor track (yawn). Suddenly, an unidentified man appears to be skating at lighting fast speeds along the track (In Stella's deep words,"There was this speed racer, racing all around the ring"). Who could it be? My, oh, my, it's Olympian Apollo Ohno! If these kids want to know anything about winning a competition, they better listen to this guy, he's a Gold medalist and Dancing With The Stars champion (no, they did not mention that on the show. I just happen to, er, watch Dancing With The Stars...), after all. Oh-no (sorry, I just had to), do we sense an athletic inspired challenge ahead? Yep,Tim explains to the designers that their challenge is to create an ensemble for the opening ceremony of the Beijing Olympics. I'm slightly saddened by this. If you remember,dear reader, I'm not quite fond of sports, but that's alright because none of these designers seem to be athletic, either.

No worries, though. Joe is super excited for a challenge that can relate to his roots (a.k.a. driving his children to soccer practice). Blayne exclaims "Heck, yeah, I'm going for the gold!" Super-hipster Leanne reveals her cheerleading past. Jennifer plans on making an outfit inspired by track and field competitions of the 20s. And Stella, um, decides to go "gladiator!"

So, tell me Joe, how long did it take to grow that goatee?

After an inspiring tour around an Olympic history exhibit, the designers head to Mood. Tensions rise when the oh-so-annoying Keith steals Terri's fabric and then tries to downplay the situation with a poor attempt at innocence. In Terri's words,"A sista got to keep one eye open, that’s all I’m saying.” Ooh, we can just feel the drama stirring up in that pot we like to call designer stew.

Back at Parsons, drama arises again when Kenley and Daniel decide to have some fun. The other designers cannot stand the constant...giggling? The nerve of those two. How dare they laugh, haven't they heard you are only allowed to moan, complain, and trash-talk in the workroom? It gets worse when Daniel apparently "steals" Joe's lucky machine. God forbid someone interrupt the crafting of your skort, Joe.

Kenley + Daniel

= BFF.

On a lighter note, we get to experience more of the sheer entertainment that is Tim Gunn and Blayne conversing. Blayne just does not understand Tim Gunn's Sergeant Pepper reference to his outfit, resulting in Tim exclaiming "Oh, God, youth!" Don't worry, Tim, I fully understood your reference. Blayne's brain has just be fried by the sun.

On to the the runway! Ohno is the guest judge for this week, and we really don't care that he's an Olympic athlete, just as long as he's not Sandra Bernhardt. The runway show appears to be less than that and more of a fourth of July parade. Daniel, Kenley, and Suede all provide lovely cocktail worthy ensembles that are really not opening ceremony material. Leanne's jacket and shorts combo is brilliant and completely overlooked by the judges. Stella presents a rather unflattering, belly baring look that she claims was inspired by "all of the bikers that watch the Olympics."

In the end, Terri's chic jacket, top, and pant combo, Joe's skort (ick), and Korto's vest and pants ensemble are on top. Daniel, who's ensemble Michael Kors thinks looks more like it represents "The Republic of Cocktail Land" rather than America , Jerrell, with a horrific fiasco that looks like he walked into the Fourth of July decor clearance at his local Walmart, bought everything they had, and created an outfit, and Jennifer's cute, but boring, un-olympic look are on the bottom.

Model: Yawn. So, what's this challenge? Meeting my boyfriend's parents for the first time?


In the end, Korto wins with her look that is the perfect mix of sporty and chic. It comes down to Daniel and Jennifer (although, I think Jerrell's was positively atrocious). In the end, Jennifer is auf'd. I really did like her Holly Golightly-Dali approach and wish I could see more, but it seemed she continuously delivered boring instead of the surreal she promised.

I don't know about you, dear reader, but I'm getting dangerously bored with these gimmicky challenges. Next week: Brooke Shields! Somebody get Kenley a muzzle! We can't wait!

What were your thoughts on this week's episode?

Project Runway Recap:Holla at Cha Boy...?

This week, Project Runway Season 5 progresses with lame catch phrase attempts, flashy rain gear, and, er, Sandra Bernhardt? Warning: Spoilers ahead!The best and worst (according to the judges)

After seeing last weeks previews for this episode, which involved heaps of trash-talk and Tim Gunn leading an army of designers in rain gear through New York City, I hoped for some elaborate team challenge where the designers must create a couture gown made entirely of plastic poncho material in the middle of Times Square (or, um, something like that...). I was slightly disappointed to find the challenge to not be so extreme, but no worries, it was still very fun.

The episode started out with the easiest, most undramatic model selection by Suede, the annoying blue fauxhawk (please excuse my use of the term, fauxhawk) sporting, third person speaking guy. The designers then head back to their swanky Atlas apartments (seriously, do they really need to show a shot of the building logo every time) and wait for Tim Gunn who, apparently, is taking them for a night on the town.

If there's anything I've learned from watching countless hours of reality television competition shows, "a night on the town" never actually translates to an actual night on the town. Tim arrives and announces that they will be taking a double-decker-tour-bus ride, despite the rainy weather. He then distributes a plethora of plastic ponchos and bright wellies (!) for all, while, I might add, looking quite smug (or according to Blayne, 'licious. -shudder-)in a black trench.

Most of our contestants are riding around, positively giddy, while some are not. Korto worries of the fate of her hair in the slightly torrential downpour (don't worry, I can relate) and Blayne wishes he was all dolled up for a real night on the town.

The contests are then told that their challenge is to take pictures of New York City nightlife (gasp! how different! what a surprise!) and create an outfit inspired by a photo of their choice. We then undergo yawn-worthy footage of the designers taking photos in the locations they're dropped off at in groups. Meanwhile, Blayne tries to make another slightly successful attempt at being this season's token character by looking for a tanning salon in the middle of Times Square,while Suede fails when he refers to himself in the third person. Among other things, Stella doesn't understand how a camera works; we're not surprised.

Back at Parsons, we're slightly frightened (and entertained) when Blayne scrunches up his face and exclaims to Kenley, the super cute girl with the lovely red lipstick and swoon-worthy hairpieces, that he is going to eat her, but I think he looks more suited to be food with his utter resemblance to a carrot. Kenley reacts by trash talking about...Emily (the obvious reaction, of course), the hipster girl with and "edgy" haircut and plethora of hippie headbands. Perhaps there's too many hair accessories in the room for Kenley to handle? I think he looks more suited to be food with his resemblance to a carrot. Meanwhile, Stella, obsessed with leather, hammers away.

Tim makes his usual rounds to check up on the designers, where he attempts to relate to the younger, slightly "urban" contestants. “Holler at your boy? Holler? Holler? I don’t get it.” Blayne then clarifies that it's "Holla at cha boy, dawg!" -shudder-.

During the commercial break, viewers can answer the question we're all dying to know the answer to: Should "Holla at cha boy" be Tim's new catchphrase?. In case you really were dying to know, 87% said no. So, I guess that means about 3 of the entire 20 viewers with horrible judgement to begin with (they did pay 99 cents per text message, after all) thought that "Make it work" was getting a bit stale.

I envy her

cuteness.

After the high of having a real celebrity judge, Natalie Portman, during last week's runway show, we were sorely disappointed that the producers turned to the E-list (yep, worse than the D-list) and appointed supposed comedian Sandra Bernhardt. Apparently, being a part of the New York nightlife comedy circuit a couple of times qualifies her as a fashion judge? Does this woman even own anything other than a pantsuit? Does she have a chronic disease and the Make-a-Wish foundation now caters to adults,thus deciding to provide her with her dream of being a Project Runway judge? One can only wonder...

WHY?Why?

(oh, and whats with your hair?)

The runway show was a bit disappointing. Blayne and Keith both present us with dresses reminiscent of something constructed in home ec. Jerrell presents a green tiered gown that really isn't suited for a night on the town and looks reminiscent of medieval princess costumes of Halloweens past.

Kenley, with her cute, 80s inspired turtleneck dress, Terri's flowy frock and pants ensemble, and Leannes sculptural black skirt and top are on top, while Emily, Keith, and Jennifer are on the bottom.

It comes down to Emily and Jennifer. I secretly like Jennifer's clock inspired dress, even if the judges disagree (it's kind of reminds me of Erin Fetherston...for Target, at least), and am glad that Emily is the one auf'd.

You're superhero headwear

will not save you now, Emily.

Well, until next time, folks, holla at cha boy! I'm sorry, I promise never to say that again...

That brown eco-silk might as well have been burlap...

Season 5 of Project Runway proceeds with an earth friendly challenge and a celebrity guest judge who is actually a real celebrity. I've provided, you, dear reader, with my thoughts, minute by minute. Warning: Spoilers ahead!

The Best (according to the judges)

The Worst (according to the judges)

8:59 Resisting the urge to read episode info...

9:01 Suede talking about Suede is going to get old very quickly.

9:04 This model drafting is all too reminiscent of gym class.

9:05 Making a cocktail dress for the model? Snooze (unless it's anything like the model wedding dress fiasco of season 1).

9:06 Green fabrics? Good. This challenge? Still, yawn.

9:07 The models pick the fabric, now I'm awake. If there's one thing we've learned after religiously watching Project Runway for several seasons, it's that a lovely face and good style do not go hand-in-hand.

9:17 Blayne, like I have mentioned before, the whole -licious thing will not take off. I'm not the only one that thinks so.

9:18 Kelli to Stella "Hey, Drapey Draperson!" Now, there's a catchphrase.

9:20 I'm drooling over the dress Emily is wearing. In fact, I'm being more entertained by the designer's outfits than what they're sewing. Just look at Kenley's entire persona or Leanne's geeky-chic glasses.

9:21 Tim Gunn just said "hot mess." A sign of the apocalypse, perhaps?

9:24 A young celebrity?!? -oohs and ahs-

9:29 If Stella needed leather so badly, maybe she could just use some of Blayne's overly tan skin?

9:36 A Rachel Zoe reality show? I think I'm going to "die" Remind me not to tune in (although, I inevitably will).

9:39 Notice that Nina is now just "editor-at-large."

9:39 The young celebrity guest judge is...Natalie Portman! I wish I could stand behind a shadow screen and do jazz hands and look as cute as her.

9:40 Keith, your dress reminds me of fine draperies. A bubble hem? Seriously? I though we had moved on.

9:42 These designers aren't doing much to promote eco-fabric.

9:46 Wait, Stella's is one of the best? It looks like something a semi-rocker girl would wear to her wedding...in 1998.

9:47 Leanne's is one of the worst? I find it interesting and adorable. Those darn judges...

9:56 I can't get over how much Suede's dress reminds me of my tot ballet class costume.

9:57 It's OK, Kenley, yours is still lovely.

9:58 Leanne! Leanne! Leanne!

9:59 I'm sorry, Wesley, your look is clean and classy, that dress, however, is not.

10:00 Next week: ponchos, trash talk, and a Tim Gunn freakout. I can't wait!

Those were my thoughts on this week's episode, what about yours, dear reader?

Project Runway Recap...better late than never.

Project Runway is, in my opinion, one of the very few reality shows that you can walk away from without feeling like your IQ has dropped a couple of points. So, as you can imagine, dear reader, I was super excited for season five to begin last Wednesday. I excitedly woke up that morning and kept checking the clock throughout the day to make sure I wouldn't miss the premiere. Finally, 9:59 came around and I sprinted to my television, only to discover an episode of ...Shear Genius, a haircutting competition show that could never even compare to the loveliness that is Project Runway.

Utterly confused and disappointed, I checked my TV guide; it turns out that Project Runway was on at nine, not the usual ten it had been for the past 4 seasons. After seeing countless promos, how did I not register into my head that it was coming on at nine? Do not fret, dear reader, I soon discovered it would be replayed at eleven. Anyways...here are my thoughts on the new season (spoiler alert!).

As you may know, dear reader, there has been quite a bit of drama over everyone's favorite fashion design competition in the last few months, including the extremely public firing of Nina Garcia from Elle and the show's move to Lifetime (yuck!) from Bravo for season six. No worries, though, the show's producers have seemed to make it work (bah-dum-bing! Sorry, was that a bad pun?).

Instead of featuring a mix of experienced designers and amateurs ,it seems this season mostly contains semi-established designers with excellent skill. The cast seems pretty diverse, with the exception of about three women who I still can't separately identify. They all had that indie-hipster look blunt haircuts. There's Jennifer, who's design theory can be described as "Holly Golightly goes to a Salvador Dali exhibit" and her favorite designers are Schiaparelli, Moschino, and Cynthia Rowley. I can't wait to see more of her work, since her aesthetic has to be my all time favorite of any Runway designer.

Then there's Blayne, a self-proclaimed "tanorexic" who seems to be attempting to market the term "girlicious" like Christian Siriano did with "fierce" in season 4. I suppose he hasn't heard of a little group call The Pussycat Dolls? If you thought that was bad, there's the super whiny Stella, a middle aged rocker with a knack for all things pleather. I think we can deem these two the annoying characters of the season (oh, and that guy Suede, who prefers to refer to himself in the third person).

The season-opener challenge (presented by hilariously flamboyant season one contestant Austin Scarlett. Boy, do I love when they bring old contestants back)was to create a look using products purchased from a grocery store, just like the first challenge in season one. I have to admit, I become positively giddy inside whenever Tim Gunn presents a challenge using unconventional materials, especially food (remember the Hershey's challenge of season 4? -swoons-).

It was a bit disappointing to see the myriad of tablecloths purchased (During the commercial break, I envisioned creating a cocktail dress of cupcake liners embellished with bits and baubles, courtesy of the candy aisle), but there were some absolutely brilliant creations, like the sweetheart dress created completely out of those unambiguous plastic party by Daniel, the dyed vaccum bag skirt by Kelli, the fresh produce embossed dress by Korto and the tiered party dress composed of paper towels by Jennifer.

Some of my favorites

In my opinion, the judge's final decision was inaccurate (I threw my remote on the ground and started verbally abusing the judges). Blayne's horrific attempt at being edgy that turned out to look more like an ensemble for an extremely dark and twisted baby, complete with a high waisted diaper and bib shoulder pads and Stella's dress that started out looking like a trashbag and ended up just looking plain trashy seemed to pass just enough under the rador, resulting in neither of them being eliminated (I'm convinced ,Michael Kors was sympathetic towards Blayne. They both share a passion for day-glo colored skin, after all). Jerry was sent home for his raincoat ensemble, which was awful, but definitely much better than anything Stella or Blayne could stitch up in a lifetime. Well, no matter what the judges may say, I'm super excited to see more from this season's designers.

Some of the worst.

Well, dear reader, I'm very sorry for the long winded post, but I hope you enjoyed it. Be on the lookout for next week's live Runway post, just as long as I tune in at the right time.

p.s. What are some of your thoughts on the new season?